Irony
by ilovekc
Summary: Grissom has always had an effect on Sara one way or another.  Post Living Doll GSR


**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of CSI. All characters are property of CBS and its affiliates.**

_A/N – I'm apologize for my horrible grammar and spelling mistakes._

**Irony:**

It was ironic…poetic even…Sara Sidle was never meant to have a husband or two-and-a-half children. She would never own a four bedroom home with a wrap around porch and a white picket fence. Her dog, Bruno, was not going to run around in a big backyard while chasing the neighbor's cat. Sara had known these facts since childhood, she had never even bothered to list any of these items as one of the lofty goals her high school counselor insisted she write down. It did not bother the teenage Sara any more than it did the adult Sara; it was just simple hard truths. She was convinced that she could not miss what she never had, and she had never been naive enough to believe that the Cleavers or the Bradys were based on real families and that happily ever after existed. Sara Sidle did not put much stock into the so called nuclear family…or I should say she never did until…Gil Grissom.

All great love stories seem to follow a basic pattern; relying on tales involving love at first sight, the electric first kiss that has the ability to raise the dead as well as awake girls from comas, or at the very least an odd foot fetish and a very uncomfortable glass slipper. The handsome prince or entomologist as the case may be, would sweep the damsel off her feet and ride off into the proverbial sunset and happily ever after. Sara Sidle was not meant to have that kind of love story; she had been born into a world full of rough hands, harsh words, and stark reality. The California native was not a damsel in distress, just ask Bobby Whitley from her third grade class, who had unwittingly tried to defend a thin and grubby looking brunette from a pack of bullies and ended up with a bloody nose for his trouble, no Sara Sidle is a proud independent woman…or she was until...Gil Grissom.

The CSI's story is not a romantic epic, she was not swept off her feet nor did she fall head over heels into two deep pools of understanding and lovingly blue eyes. Don't get me wrong, she did fall…hard… in love with one Gil Grissom. It was more of a disbelieving free fall with flailing arms, her eyes open, and her face sporting a gaping fish expression before her body hit the unforgiving earth with a resounding thud and quite a few hard bounces eventually coming to a rolling stop bruised, battered, and nearly broken at Grissom's feet. The latter did not sweep her up in his arms and kiss away her past aches and promise her the world; no the older man stared down at the mess before him for years before placing a few band-aids over various wounds. He was a firm believer that anything worth doing was worth doing right, and time had never been a factor. Time on the other hand was Sara Sidle's kryptonite. She had spent years allowing the older man to weaken the woman that had risen above a traumatic childhood. She had not followed other children in the system into a life of drugs, not had she allowed herself to fall into the pity party trap that was so common of fosterlings, especially in the eighties. She escaped the pitfalls of her past; she stuck to her life plan. She was not going to be an addict and rely on a drug or alcohol to solve her problems. Sara Sidle did not need a bad mind numbing habit…or she didn't…until Gil Grissom.

The thirty-six year old woman was on the cusp of her very own fairytale. Her knight had finally decided what to do about "this". It was not too late for the unwanted child she had been or the workaholic woman with an almost DUI. She had waited for him to notice her and he did. I suppose this is where I tell you that the heaven's opened and a choir of angels sang; if I did I would be lying. The sky happened to be weeping which was exactly what her old mentor happened to be doing when she found him outside her doorstep. They had clung to each other, both needing reassurances and warm bodies to hold onto after witnessing one of their own survive a kidnapping. It was a stifled and bumpy beginning, but Sara smiled because it was at the very least a beginning. He did not seek her again for many months, and she almost believed that she had imagined that night. She had been a fool to fall into bed so easily with him and offer herself as a security blanket. Sara Sidle did not believe in true love or blissful happiness…or she hadn't until…Gil Grissom.

He returned to her, his lips spouting apologies and vulnerability, they whispered promises and poetry and Sara once again bounced off the earth and fell at his feet. He studied her and looked at her with as much attention to detail as he did his beloved crime scenes. Together they explored their bodies and souls, he owned her heart and she had never felt at peace or as settled with the world as she did in his arms. The little things truly are what mattered; she found safety in the crook of his neck and a home with his bugs. She had become one of his specimen's, observed constantly and studied. He knew all of her secrets and still he looked at her as if she was the rarest and most precious of butterflies, closely guarded and protected. Sara had never felt so loved or cared for in her life, it suddenly became important for her to domesticate herself; she cursed the fact that she did not take home economics, but she more become determined to learn everything she could about cooking and laundry. Still the couple carried out their blissful lives in secret. She didn't mind, it was nice to have someone to come home to even if it everyone else thought she came home to an empty house. Sara Sidle had never had a family…or she didn't until…Gil Grissom.

The couple slowly merged their lives in to one, and eventually he fell to his knee and asked Sara to marry him. Marriage…something she had never seen as successful or happy. She had never believed in the sanctity or unconditional semi-contract of the state or church marriage. Did a ring that had no beginning and no end really hold together two separate souls? Would he love her for eternity, could she love him until death do they part? Sara knew she did and would beyond this earth. She could no longer remember not having loved him. She had tearfully nodded at his heartfelt plea, and the two had embraced. Plans where made, he had proclaimed his intentions to yell his love for her to the world; although he quickly amended that they should tell the team and Jim Brass about them first, possibly over beer. Sara Sidle had never felt a piece of jewelry held any value before…or she hadn't until…Gil Grissom.

The weeks turned into months and still they remained a secret. Their jobs had caught up with them and their shared happiness had taken a backseat to a serial killer. Sara had watched as the Miniature Killer had worn down her lover. She witnessed his withdrawal from her and even their team as he became enamored with tiny crime scenes and perfect murders. The signs of his burnout were evident even as her hands clutched a dusty velvet box that held his promises and her hope. Sara was blindsided when he left her with an "I'll miss you" and shortly after a cocoon she expected had dried up and died in the shipping process, much like her heart did when he put the 100 of miles between them. He had not called or even wrote to her; so Sara had thrown herself back into work. She had not missed her murdered father or incarcerated mother as a child. She did not remember them ever using their arms to hug or hold, so had never felt the loss of the warmth and love human contact brought. Sara Sidle had never felt so cold or alone before…or at least until…Gil Grissom.

Once again her one love returned to her, his strength renewed and his lips as sharp as his tongue. She had let him back in, her arms open. Sara could never deny him anything; her head had screamed for her to at least make him suffer as she had, but her heart was his. He had simply looked at her, his blue eyes burning with sorrow and love, and she had nodded her head in understanding. She was use to loss and was just grateful that he had returned to her. Grissom had showed his trust in her and dusted off the velvet box that she had nestled in her sock drawer. Again he dropped to his knee and promised her the world and again she had accepted. That night he relearned her body and she saw his face again. Sara had almost forgotten she was late, but he had remembered and together they found out that their family would be three. Their secret should be told and plans where once again made. Sara Sidle was not meant to be a mother…or she wasn't until…Gil Grissom.

She had woken up alone and cold. Disoriented she tried to pull herself out from under the twisted metal, but found she could not move. Oddly she felt no pain in her legs despite the obvious weight crushing them. Her chest ached as it labored to force air into her rasping lungs. Sara clawed at the muddy earth with her exposed hand; desperately she fought against time and the elements to live both for Grissom and their baby. She sent up prayers to a deity she had never believed in before and held faith that the team would find her…that he would find her. She struggled to keep her eyes open, her mind sharp, going so far as to quiz herself on the scientific name of the bugs keeping her company. Arthropoda, subphylum Chelicerata, class Arachnida or sun spider, Sara thought he would love to see it even if she wishes she hadn't. The night receded and the sun brought out the blistering heat, she felt it odd that she still shivered with cold. Eventually the strength in her free arm weakened and it lay motionless in the blistering sun. Her lungs sputtered on her own blood and Sara knew it was over. He had not found her in time. She had gotten too comfortable in her fairy tale, she had taken her eye off her original goal and she was paying for it. She had not felt her body abort their baby physically but she had wept for their loss. Sara did not want to die alone; she yearned for Grissom's soothing arms and whispered reassurances. Her eyes fluttered close for the last time and she left this earth. Sara never felt Grissom's warm hand as he encased her cold stiff arm. She did not know that she became the last victim of a deranged serial killer, bent on making him pay for a loss he had nothing to do with. She was a victim of circumstance; it was the story of her life…and death. Sara Sidle was meant to grow old…or she was until…Gil Grissom.


End file.
